Faced the with eternal boredom that is my life without an Internet connection and the possible life threatening eating habits that it has produced there was nothing left to do but the same thing any male does when faced with a tough problem in their life…. you ignore it, pretend it doesn’t exist and normally there’s a woman around to fix it for you and you can go back to life as it was before hand. For me whilst there may not be a woman in my life per-say there was one in Adelaide that was getting married this weekend and where there’s another city with a blood relative there’s an Internet connection.
Lets face it, the wedding is really just a convenient excuse for me to jump on a plane when we all know I’m really only going so I can log on to the scourge that is Facebook and piss & moan about all these retard applications people feel they must spam me with, but that’s another story. I’m not here to squabble over my true intentions behind travelling seven hundred kilometres to another state, besides I wouldn’t want to hurt the bride and groom’s feelings. I’m just a caring guy like that, always thinking of others and my email being downloaded in less than two hours as I’m currently experiencing in dial-up world. Fuck it’s shit house. Did I swear? Oops, sorry kids. Fuck I think I’ve already used that joke, I can’t be bothered checking my previous posts, sorry.
So anyway, another trip back to Adelaide, my Dad, bro & sis live there, another glorious plane ride on the Virgin Blue bus and a couple of days working out of the Adelaide office to avoid the further drain on my already suffering annual leave allowance (currently sitting at negative six days… boooo!). Adelaide’s a nice city, anyone that’s coming to Australia shouldn’t listen to the general population of the world because it’s not a complete shit-hole. Even that’s probably a bit harsh, it’s actually quite a beautiful city, lots of trees, parks, churches, etc. It’s just if you wanted to do anything besides look at trees and visit churches that you might start to find the attractions of fair Adelaide a tad dull. Hell don’t try and get a drink on a weeknight after 8pm, you’ll have to go to the Casino and… well…. let’s just say it’s not pretty. Enough of the Adelaide bashing, it’s an OK place, and this being my sixteenth trip back there this calendar year I should probably come clean and admit to enjoying it there, even if it’s only for my family and friends.
(It’s OK, the place wasn’t on fire… I swear!)
Adelaide aside, I was here for a wedding, well I think I was… I did land and start up Azureus but I was at least making it look like I was going to a wedding by carrying a suit with me. It was on Saturday, thankfully the scorching heat that I’d just had the pleasure of being baked by for the last two days had somewhat subsided for the auspicious occasion by dropping to a light 29 degrees (Celsius). I wasn’t exactly sure about the wedding, I didn’t really know anyone, the bride I hadn’t seen face to face for about four years and I’d never met the groom before, I was honoured to get the invite don’t get me wrong but if it wasn’t for my old friend from school (lets call her Mary Louise, not because that’s her name or I’m wanting to conceal her identity, I just think Mary Louise Parker from Weeds is hot) coming along as my date I would’ve just sat there like an idiot looking more like an idiot than normal.
Driving to the reception Mary Louise and I decided that seeing how no one would have any idea who either of us were we’d take on new identities for the evening. She, Mary Louise, would be “in the entertainment industry” and I would play her most recent “director”. Yes, yes I’m sure you can figure out where this is going…. Should anyone probe further her so called “entertainment” employment may have been linked to certain “adult” forms of entertainment. Yes it’s childish and yes I’m quite clearly overusing “quoted words” but I’m trying to see how many times I can use them in one paragraph, don’t “freak out man”.
Arriving at the reception hall, navigating our way through the family introductions and looking stupid by not knowing who anyone is and who I was meant to kiss and hug (it was an Italian sorta wedding) we found our table and name tagged seats.
“Hey Raj.” came a voice and then an extended hand.
“Ahhh…. hey…” I replied, with pretty much no idea of who this guy was, why he knew my name (maybe he was mental and read everyone’s name tags and was showing off) and why he expected me to shake his hand. I did anyway, but only because I’m nice (see the 2nd paragraph where I state this quite clearly already for you). How are you?”
“You’ve got no idea who I am do you?” said hand-shakey-guy.
I thought about lying here, I mean he’s basically ruining my whole porn directing career before it had started, but truth be told I couldn’t be fucked bothered. “Ahhh, no mate, sorry, no idea.”
“I went to school with you.”
I looked at Mary Louise with you-went-to-school-with-me-have-you-seen-hand-shakey-guy-before eyes. She looked back at me with don’t-look-at-me-I’ve-got-no-idea-I-do-porn eyes. OK so maybe not the “I do porn” part but that would’ve been hot.
“Did you? Really??” There were only 100 odd people in my grade at school, I was pretty sure I knew most of them.
“Yeah; I was in your sister’s grade”. Oh for fuck’s sake, you expect me to know you because you were two years below me? Actually it’s probably fair, I knew most of them too, just not this guy. Way to feel like a douche in thirty seconds. “I’m Lionel.”
“Lionel, shit sorry man, no idea but I’ll take your word for it.”
Wave bye, byes to the adult entertainment industry.
For the rest of the night Mary Louise and I pretty much forgot about anyone else that was there, mainly because we didn’t know anyone (well except Lionel now), and made fools of ourselves dancing, drinking and having a pretty good time. Put it this way, aint no way else in hell you’d get me dancing to Nutbush City Limits had there been anyone I’d actually known there!
With the wedding done and dusted the rest of my time in Adelaide was split between friend catch ups, family and work. The only other thing of any real significance was the little SMS that arrived on my phone to alert me to the fact that apparently my ADSL connection had been activated and was awaiting my digital fingers to caress its curvaceous figure… I need help. Can I fly home now please?!