By and large my lack of internet connectivity these past few days has been made bearable through the rather large growth in my normally meagre social calendar. Unfortunately a bi-product of said ascent is the rapid descent in my bank balance. As I sit here, returning from my latest engagement my current total life savings comes to the massive total of….. drum roll please…. $18.18. Yes! Thank you for playing.

Granted, we are of course coming in to the silly season with everyone weekend between now and New Years rapidly being allotted to particular events but in one week for me to attend two birthday’s, a wedding, a catch up, a podcast recording and then tonight topping it off with a farewell is most definitely out of sorts even for this time of year. Quite clearly when performing this fortnight’s budget I had not allowed for such a bevy of social meetings, nor would have I got it right had I known that all of these events were to be occurring as I’m not normally associated with such a full diary. No, I am forever the hermit who’s diary would in the most cases contain blank pages bar the odd note here and there for a friend’s birthday.

While burning the candle from both ends, as well as sideways and any other angle I can try right now, has been interesting for the past week or so I hardly think I’m of any social stamina to go the distance on this one. I’m wrecked, completely tapped out of smiles and polite conversational small talk banter about the weather and how cute one’s baby son’s dribble might be. Nope give me the solace of a hyper egotistical petulant online forum where I can anonymously be a complete prick and the world be none the wiser; or more to the point no retaliate in a harmful physical manner.

I will give you an example of the draining politeness that sucked the life from my social positivity. Whilst at one of the many previously mentioned events there was a friend of a friend who rocked up late. Well late would be polite, he actually rocked up two hours after the hour we initially waited before ordering food! People can be late though, I mean it happens you have a good reason, his was helping someone move, life goes on. What you don’t expect is that when they do eventually arrive that they arrive half pissed and having quite obviously not moved any piece of furniture -well none that anyone would value- in the last hour at least! But no one out of the twenty odd people that had done the right-thing-to-do in waiting for this a-hole said anything about it but all smiled, conversed and bitched whenever he went to the toilet. Let’s not even mention he was also adorning the current wanker fashion of tucking in your fucking disgusting pink & brown stripped polo in behind your belt buckle but no where else around his muffin topped waist!. Ouch, that’s way harsh Ty!

Now that’s just not the internet way, at least people are honest straight up on the net, albeit perhaps a tad too upfront and downright rude in most cases. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was some utopian balance where people weren’t completely fake and put on a face like we do in real life and could be a little more honest but not to the extremities of the internet. Is that what it’s like in a marriage or a long term relationship? Cruel but fair honesty? Nah, can’t be, that’d be like telling your significant other their arse looks fat in their latest purchase, only gay men can get away with that to their fag-hag handbags.

Oh hang on, I’m getting angry now… time to eat another can of Campbell’s soup. Stupid social life, taking all my money!

Damn you Internet!!!!