Right-o lets not beat around the bush here… I have no, I repeat “NO” internet connection. How could this be possible? Seriously taking away my internet is, I would say, almost equivalent to taking away my insulin. I need it to survive! Gee, who sounds like an addict here?

So lets get to the obvious question of “How on Earth could you get yourself in this predicament?”. Well, there’s nothing particularly exciting about how I’ve found myself to be internet-less unfortunately. The reality of the situation is that I’ve had to move house this past week. Whilst this shouldn’t be a big deal, simple relocation of services really, especially when you tell your phone & internet provider two weeks prior to actually moving. Things rarely go smoothly in the telecommunications world though do they now!? You see it turned out that in the three years that this apartment had been in existence with six different tenants not one of them had decided to connect the phone line! So you see I now find myself in the position of waiting a lovely 5 working days for Telstra to get off their fat arses and come around to plug in a couple of wires. Now add another few days for the services to churn from Telstra to my ISP and then have the DSL turned on and I’m looking at a good 2 weeks without DSL. Granted I could get considerably desperate and use dial-up once Telstra have done their business but to be honest I think that’d be even more torturous than no connection at all!

With all that in mind I thought to myself what better way to share my agony and boredom than by diarizing the entire journey that is my life without the internet. You know, tell you how I bought coffee at 9:00am then came home to check my email. Oh hang on, nope can’t do that, don’t have the internet so turned to a new addiction of cocaine and heroin. Yeah, it’ll be fun and I know the whole world is just dying to hear about it.

Now I know you’re slowly putting one and sixty-four together and asking yourself “If he has no in-ta-ma-nets then how is he going to ‘diarize’ these events online?”. Well it’s pretty simple really, I write the entries offline on my fancy little `puter thingy-ma-jigg and then when I come across an internet connection, like when I go to work on Monday or I’m at a friends or walking around the neighbourhood looking for open wireless connections, I upload them for all ye online peoples to read to your hearts content. Jebus, I’m already delirious!

With the explanation of what the hell this is all about out of the way lets get on with the show with the excitement that was “Raj’s first day without the internet”. I was sick, end of entry. No, I wouldn’t leave my loyal following with such a short description. I was exhausted after moving for the last three days after work days and couldn’t keep any food down until about four this afternoon. You see, the short description was probably all you really wanted to know after all now wasn’t it. I slept; I watched DVD’s, I highly suggest the movie “Hot Rod” for a cheap laugh by the by; and low behold Mr. Cricket entertained me with yet another stylish Mike Hussey century!

So at this point in time I’m doing OK without my old friend “Internet”, I haven’t really had the opportunity to miss him (or maybe it’s a her, hell maybe it’s a hermaphrodite?) but just to be sure I’ve made the following list of things to do should I need waste time.

• Work (ahhh, yeah right)
• Unpack. I mean there’s only 30 boxes full of crap sprawled across my floor.
• Read a book, hell why not “Write a book” instead.
• See what daylight looks like again. And ruin my milky white skin!? I think not!
• Play xBox. The new Guitar Hero is awesome, not to mention Call of Duty 4.
• Catch up with people in the real world, you know, just for something fancy to do.
• Get a girlfriend. Not as easy as it sounds and the plastic ones just aren’t as durable these days.