I’ve been back in the land of Oz with the Tinman & friends for about a week now and with every re-encounter comes the usual questions… How was your holiday, What was the highlight, Why do birds suddenly appear… every time… you are near? So rather than relay the same old stories to every man and their pet poodle Beatsie why not join me in what I like to call a little-bit-of-psychotic-behaviour where I interview myself about my holiday.
To keep things a little less confusing the part of the Interviewer will be denoted as “Interviewer” rather than “Me”. Get it?
Interviewer: Thanks for joining me Raj, it’s a pleasure to catch up with you so recently after you return.
Me: No problems Raj, pleasure’s all mine. Hey you’re a pretty snappy dresser my man, I’m down with “da threads” dog.
Interviewer: Why thank you. You’re not sack of potatoes either.
Me: Word.
Interviewer: So, six weeks…
Me: Actually no, this was a big misconception most likely perpetuated by my own bragging but the trip itself was five weeks exactly.
Interviewer: Sorry, five weeks. That’s a long time, has it been difficult to go back to work?
Me: Work not so much, I mean it’s not my ideal situation but hey gotta pay the bills hey! The worst thing is jet lag. I’m still fucked with it, waking up at 4am every day or not getting to sleep until 3 and then waking up at 7am. Got a “Still-Knox” on ya?
Interviewer: No sorry. Moving on, how was it? The trip that is.
Me: Wow, there’s an original question, so to the point and not open at all.
Interviewer: Ta.
Me: Sarcasm moron, but anyway… the trip was great.
Interviewer: Care to elaborate?
Me: Care to ask a question a tad more insightful?
Interviewer: OK *cough* arsehole *cough*, you had a friend die whilst you were away, how did that affect your time?
Me: It wasn’t the best news I got. Darren was a great guy and someone that I really admired growing up. News of his tragic passing was pretty detrimental on my will to actually get out and “have a good time” as you will. The last week and a bit in London I spent trying to get home early to make his funeral but it wasn’t to be. I wouldn’t say that I sat around pining the entire time after hearing the news but I certainly wasn’t focused on getting out and looking around London too much. It was OK though, I’d been there before and my gracious host, Michael, was happy to have me sit at his house and watch Sex in the City re-runs.
Interviewer: I guess you’d have to say that was the low point of your trip, what if we talk about the high points?
Me: Good save dickhead. Ahh, yeah, high points. Well unlike most people I’m the anti-tourist. I didn’t go to Niagara Falls when I was in Toronto just like I never made it to Fisherman’s Wharf in San Fran or the Statue of Liberty in New York. For the most when I’m travelling I do it to experience the city I’m in and not join a queue for nine hours to get a birds eye view of some buildings. My behaviour, although keep in mind I do keep a camera in my hand at most times, may explain why so many people think I’d be a good source of directional information. I gave up counting how many times I was asked for directions after the 10th time in my first week away.
Interviewer: So were there any high points at all? Perhaps a favourite destination?
Me: Oh for sure. New York City (NYC) was an amazing city, I fell in love with that place when I wanted a bagel at 3am and only had to walk out my front door to find one within five minutes. It truly is the city that never sleeps.
Interviewer: I know you said you don’t do the tourist thing, but surely you saw something in NYC, Central Park? Empire Sate?
Me: Well I hadn’t actually finished my highlights but now that you mention it I did do Central Park. That place is amazing! I probably only saw a tenth of its expansive size and the weather I had in NYC just made my day wandering aimlessly through its acres even more pleasant. I think without Central Park NYC would just be another American city with dirty streets and non-airconditioned subway trains, I would say it’s the jewel in the city’s crown.
Interviewer: So beyond NYC what are the other highlights?
Me: Toronto, Canada. Amazing, loved it.
Interviewer: I’m scared to ask you to elaborate, but I have to.
Me: [laughs] I’m just fucking with you. Toronto the city isn’t anything special really, it’s another city in another English speaking country. I found it to be very, very similar to Melbourne where I live at the moment. Perhaps that’s why I enjoyed it so much because subconsciously it reminded me of home? What really made me love it though was the people. Everyone is so amazingly friendly and helpful there that it’s almost sickening to a point. I know Canadians have a reputation as being a nice version of Americans but I never thought it was literally true. I met a lot of people there that were just genuinely good hearted folk, helping me out with tickets to ice hockey, cafes & bars to check out, movies, and hidden gems in the city your general tourist wouldn’t know about. It was fantastic.
Interviewer: Any of these new “friends” you mention happen to be ladies? Hey? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge…
Me: Don’t impersonate Monty Python mate, you’re no Eric Idle.
Interviewer: Sorry.
Me: That said, go see Spamalot I saw it on Broadway, funniest shit ever; as far as musicals go. Anyway, ladies. No remarkably-handsome-looking-interviewer-that-I-strangely-detest, well there were some women there but there was none of your wink, wink, crap. Everything was very above board.
Interviewer: How come?
Me: What am I? Your personal porn channel?
Interviewer: Well you’re a single young guy, travelling solo around the world, these things happen you know?
Me: Not really, why don’t you tell me how these things “happen”.
Interviewer: [coughs] Right, well you loved Toronto, have you thought of relocating there at some stage?
Me: I always go away with the thought in my head that I plan to move to one of the cities I’m visiting at some point in my life. Getting closer and closer to 30 doing that is going to get a lot more difficult. I know I say that “I’m thinking of moving to X” at some point next year and if that ever was a reality the X would probably equal Toronto at this stage, yes. How likely this is to happen? Well if we’re being honest with myself it’s probably not going to happen. Moving overseas with diabetes for a time period under two years isn’t the easiest because you can’t get on to your new country’s health system, that the excuse I use when people ask anyway. Truth be told I’d probably miss my family too much.
Interviewer: Awww, that’s sweet.
Me: Fuck off.
Interviewer: What about San Fran or Paris, you’ve barely mentioned them.
Me: Probably because there wasn’t anything too interesting to say about them. Paris was OK, MacWorld sucked arse, it rained and I didn’t have a great time. San Fran, well that was my first stop and first stop’s are usually the most exciting but something just didn’t click there. I think it would’ve been a fantastic city had I known someone there to show me some more but the reality of the situation is that the best thing in San Fran was buying an iPhone to play with. Nerdy I know.
Interviewer: So highlight would have to be Toronto, best purchase the iPhone, trip all up was a good one. Is there anything else you’d like to add Raj?
Me: Yeah… kids, listen to me now. Don’t drink and drive.
Interviewer: Wow, that’s… umm…. insightful?
Me: Did I ask for your opinion?
Interview ended.
