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Macs, Movies, Games, Books, etc. The Rants of a Mad Man.

The Health Inspector, The Omelette & The Coffee

September 15th, 2007 by Raj

Today was a bit of a nothing day, I was in between accommodation locations and required to check out of my Hotel in Manhattan in the morning before making the journey to Jersey later that day. I didn’t wake up in the best of moods, having to be up by a certain time regardless of what that time may be always makes me petulant. Check out wasn’t until 11am so naturally I took it upon myself to sleep until 10:50, pack like a mad man and shower to get downstairs after only two phone calls from housekeeping to see if I’d left the room already. I really don’t know why they were in such a rush to get in there, the quality of the room and hotel wasn’t exactly superb and I swear all they did each day to make up my room was put a fresh towel in there, hrmph. As you can see my mood was by no means improving.

After checking out and having my bags put in storage to collect later on that afternoon I decided I’d beat the grumps by having a cup of coffee. Oddly enough I haven’t had a single cup since I’ve been away! I’m not sure if that’s because I’m substituting it with Coke four hundred times a day or if it’s really because I’m scared of how bad American coffee is. Regardless, I thought today might be a good day to “roll the dice” and see if I could find myself a good cup of joe. Surprisingly it didn’t take me too long to find a nice little cafe not far from the hotel that actually had a coffee machine in it rather than a couple of percolated coffee pots boiling away to nothing on a hot plate, so I went in, sat down, order myself a nice omelette for a late breakfast and a latte.

There were about three people in this place, it was a small little diner and quite kitsch really, there were two guys working the floor and a cook out the back yet between the three of them it took about twenty minutes to crack open some eggs and get my omelette anywhere near me. Have to cut them some slack though because while I was sitting there, watching the cable guy try and plug in a new high def box for them, they had a little visit from a rather stubby woman all dressed up in police-like duds complete with gun belt and digital camera.

At first I wasn’t sure what the woman was doing, she just kind of hovered out the front of the cafe until one of the guys decided that it might be a good idea to head out and see what she wants. They had a little conversation, I couldn’t hear them but the more she spoke the more the waiter’s smile turned into a frown. Eventually they’d finished chatting and he showed her in and through to the back of the place and I started to see camera flashes going off! What’d they have a dead body back there or something?! Oh hang on… fat woman, uniform, citation pad, digital camera… ahhhh health inspector!

It was around about this point that my omelette arrived being served by the second waiter. The omelette I’m afraid, was rather disappointing; somehow they’d managed to suck every bit of flavour from the tomato, egg, bacon, basil and onion that were supposedly inside and replaced all of their flavour with the taste of water. Strangest tasting omelette I’ve ever had in my life, only took half a salt shaker for me to get through it! What can I say, I was hungry, I had to eat.

As I swallowed the final mouthful of H2O omelette the uniformed woman returned from the kitchen’s depths having finished her inspection. This time when she spoke her words were distinctively clear as if it were God’s plan to now reveal her secrets to me.

“You’ve got 24 hours to fix these 5 infringements.” she said.

Oh goodie gum drops, I’ve just eaten the worst omelette in the world from the dirtiest kitchen in New York! Perhaps the flavour got scared and ran away at the site of the place? I didn’t dare

Being in the position of having no real option as what to do, having already eaten and all, I did what any normal person would. I complained I hadn’t yet received my coffee and politely asked could they hurry it up a little. Apologetic in a way that only American service can give you when searching for a tip he ran off and came back with my Latte. Now please, remember this clearly I’m saying the word “L-a-t-t-e”, Latte! Arriving a few moments later, placed beside me all warm and steamy was my freshly prepared Latte… oh yes, there it was, my latte… served in a white ceramic mug the size of someone’s head, a beautiful inch thick cappuccino froth, and topping it off; a dusted coating of chocolate powder. So there was my Mug-o-cino that I ordered from the health violating kitchen of the most wonderful cafe in all of New York, clearly. Again, me being tolerant and putting all anger, petulance, and impatience aside (yes apparently I am capable of that) went ahead and just drank the coffee. Well… actually, let’s say “began” to drink the coffee.

After breaking through the mortar layer of chocolate and froth, finally allowing some coffee to make its way through to my mouth I practically regurgitated it just as quickly back into its mug as I was not greeted with the wonderful taste of coffee, no, not at all, I mean that would make sense now! No instead I received cinnamon; yes that’s right, surprising my taste buds who were, and let’s be fair here, completely unprepared having not been used once when eating the omelette! That was it, last straw… tolerance has left the building, cash down, no tip, see you later.

What’s the point to this story? None really, I had a bad day and frankly i thought you could all share it with me, because no one no matter what they’ve done in life deserves cinnamon tainted coffee!

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