Can you remember a time when you thought flying was fun? I can’t. The memory of looking forward to getting inside a few hundred ton of metal and hurling myself into the gravity defying blue yonder has slowly faded into a distant one. I have no real fear of flying, it doesn’t phase me at all but like so many things in life the thought of it being fun has been lost. Think of it in the same kind of way that the memory of your first blow job tells you it was probably awesome, in fact you know it was but you just can’t remember any of the details that well anymore.

At this very moment I’m a few thousand feet above the South Australian, Victorian border on my way from Melbourne to Adelaide to visit my family. I’ve made this same trip about thirty or forty times in the past couple of years and with each flight I tend to get more and more annoyed at the whole event. For instance with my current flight there’s already been a delay on departure that no one can explain, I have a child constantly kicking the back of my seat (Can’t wait to send the parents my physio bill), a sweaty fat guy drooling asleep to my right and some moron that likes screaming at random intervals in some kind of drunken gibberish.

Its because of these wonderful experiences that I’ve come to develop some helpful guidelines I recommend all flying commuters take a quick glance over; if not in an attempt to make your flying day better but to make my entire life a little easier. That’s what’s really important here isn’t it? Hehe, so here’s a few tips to hopefully make flying fun again for everyone….

Check-in online.
Most modern airlines these days are offering you the ability of checking in online up to 24 hours before your actual departure. The fantastic thing about this is that you can choose your seating allocation and you’re not stuck with some random seat you have no control over. Also there’s a greater selection of seating options because you’ll be one of the first to choose your seat, which comes to my next point.

Choosing your seat.
If you’re lucky enough to be able to have free choice over your seat here’s a couple of points to keep in mind. The first couple of rows are allocated for people who may have difficulty getting on and off the plane. If you don’t like talking to old people steer clear of these. The last few rows are, from my experience, usually where the parents with infants get dumped. If screaming kids and chair kicking isn’t your thing stay out of the last few rows. So where else does that leave you? Well the middle but then you’ll be standing around waiting for everyone to get off for ten minutes when you hit the ground not to mention being stuck in an emergency isle which means no hand luggage under the seat in front of you. My personal favorite is an isle seat (so much easier to go to the bathroom if required) in about the 4th row from the rear. Also if you’re choosing your seat online and you can see there’s a window seat taken and you choose the isle you’ve got a good chance of that seat between the two remaining free on less busy flights which gives you some extra room!

Get to the airport early & relaxed.
There’s nothing more annoying than being borderline late for a flight and dealing with slow morons at every stage of the process from the moment you step out of your cab at the airport to getting through the four hundred security points and on to your plane. I know what you’re thinking though, why would I want to be in an airport for an hour before my flight bored shitless? Well this is what I would do, if you fly with one airline regularly they probably have a lounge of some type that you can join or a casual visit price. Try them out, get a drink and relax, read the paper or play a bit of Playstation, you’ll be surprised just how big a difference it can make. If you tend to roam between airline carriers find the airport bar and have a little something to relax the nerves there instead.

Be prepared for security.
There is nothing more annoying than people that don’t know what they’re doing when it comes to what they can & can’t take on a plane these days. If it’s sharp put it in your luggage, if you have anything in your pockets put it in your hand luggage *before* you go through the metal detectors and for the love of god have your laptops out and ready so everyone in the line doesn’t have to watch you unzip your 20 compartments to get it out. The regulations of what you can take on board with you may differ from country to country so just be aware of what you need to do and be prepared.

I’m not your friend.
Just because I’ve been placed next to you on a plane for the next (x) minutes/hours does not automatically make me your best friend. In most cases I will never, ever see you again in my life. This is not to say conversing with your fellow passenger should be forbidden but don’t keep trying if they’re obviously not interested. Having them put headphones on would be a prime example of this disinterest.

Fly with someone.
Actually let me elaborate a little; fly with someone you like! Flying is a crap load more fun when you’ve got someone to talk to, it’s even more fun if they’re a little scared of flying and then you can giggle at them every time you hit some turbulence. I’m so evil! Mwahahaha!

Your own entertainment.
Never ever rely on in-flight entertainment from your airline. Half the time it doesn’t work the other half the quality is crap, especially on domestic flights. Make sure you have your iPod or some other device handy and charged. Not only does it provide you with media you know you’ll definitely enjoy but can also serve as a great mechanism for stopping strangers from making random conversation or drowning out screaming children.

There you have it, just a few little things to keep in mind before embarking on your next airborne voyage. These are just ideas and thoughts that have helped me in the past and although I’m sure there’s a lot more to add I just didn’t want to sound like a complete prick and suggest muzzles for children or anything. Just joking…. Do you have any suggestions for fun air travel? Let me know.