When I was a kid I always struggled with the concept of â€œNew Yearsâ€. You see I saw the calendar of twelve months as a linear path, you travel in a straight line through time from January to December and once you hit the 31st thatâ€™s it, year over. The problem wasnâ€™t in that logic but more so the fact that after December 31 it was once again January. Calendars werenâ€™t round like the clock hanging on the wall of my bunk-bed adorning room. Clocks made sense, you went in a circle, years were straight. I always imagined that there was this strange Euclidean time period between the end of the year just gone and the start of the new, some sort of time spatial U-turn the universe made to allow it to travel all the way back to January 1st. What made my mind explode just that little bit more causing me to start dripping blood from my nose Butterfly Effect style was if the universe had to travel all the way back to January how on earth did it do it so freakinâ€™ quickly when it took us 365 days to trudge through the year. Had I been alive in the days of Magellan or Columbus I dare say I wouldâ€™ve been your typical ham sandwich pitchfork farmer burning witches and waiting for some poor bastard to sail of the edge of the earth because he was some crackpot that thought the world was round.
Needles to say I was quite young when I thought like that, you get a little older you learn about orbits, the year being another circle of the sun, blah, blah, yadda, yadda. Boring science, I like my idea better; you try and get a four year old to create their own time/space theories! I was a special child.
So how does all this relate to the year that is soon to be passed, 2007. Wellâ€¦ it probably doesnâ€™t really, but I thought it best to share a nice story rather than swear through this entry entirely about how much of a shit year itâ€™s been and that no matter who Iâ€™ve talked to they all say the same. I donâ€™t know what it is (actually no thatâ€™s a lie, I do know, but Iâ€™m not sharing so there!) but boy did this year suck the cock meat sandwich (Harold & Kumar 2 referenceâ€¦ watch trailer here). I truly hated this year; even with my world trip I am gladly leaving this year in the past!
To mark this rather dubious celebration of crapness I wanted to do something a little different than highlighting what I believe are my favourite movies, TV shows, and similar junk that every man & his blog (I say man because 99% are done by nerds) will do and never be read. Whilst Iâ€™m most certainly not under the illusion that millions will read my blog either it will none the less be entertaining and cathartic for myself.
It is with belated breath and great pleasure that I present to youâ€¦ Rajâ€™s list of stuff for 2007 (very similar to the Raj-makes-up-categories TV Awards)
Most annoying thing of the year – People on Public Transport
I could devote a yearlong expose on how much the persons occupying space on any form of public transport truly shit me to tears but Iâ€™ll try and keep it brief today. Iâ€™ve got no beef with public transport itself, as in the actual physical thing that gets you from A to B, it would be a fantastic system if I was the only person using it at any time of the day and I didnâ€™t have to put up with the seemingly endless sea of frigtards (see next award) that donâ€™t cover their mouths to cough & sneeze, that stink, that are just purely nuts and that donâ€™t make room for anyone to get on! I fucking hate public transport, and if any of you write a comment saying â€œbuy a car thenâ€ Iâ€™ll personally send the crazy air gun guy from No Country for Old Men after you.
Word/Saying of the year – frigtard
Whilst the rest of the world can go on believing that the geek word â€œw00tâ€ is somehow cool now because all the frigtards out there are now online using Facebook or MySpace and can speak like a 12 year old kid playing Halo 3 for sixteen hours straight on his Xbox I will break from the collective sheep and personally elect another completely made up word that I have already used in this paragraph. Frigtard (pronounced frig â€“ tard)
Frigtard is a word that I believe was made up by this guy who wrote a blog pretending to be Steve Jobs (well thatâ€™s where I found it anyway). The word (if you havenâ€™t guessed this already) is a derivative of two, frigging (used as a euphemism for â€˜fuckâ€™ according to Appleâ€™s Dictionary app) and retard (a politically incorrect way of saying moron). Ergo all people on public transport are frigtards. See what I did there, tying it back into the previous award, clever!
Best procrastination tool of the year – Guitar Hero
Iâ€™m extremely tempted to put the Internet as the winner of this award but I spent a month without that and one of the only things that kept me from doing anything productive during the solemn period was Guitar Hero 3. That and not only did I get Guitar Hero 3 this year but I also bought number 2 earlier on and havenâ€™t stopped playing both of them since. When you havenâ€™t got time to spare but you really donâ€™t want to do what youâ€™re supposed to be doing than this is the tool for you! Sit back and watch the hours literally disappear and your impending unemployment become ever closer.
Worst moment of the year – Being overseas when I shouldâ€™ve been at a funeral
Had a couple of things happened in January instead of December 2006 this little award wouldâ€™ve been completely different but as it turned out they just happened a little too early and basically made this year shit. Anyway that didnâ€™t happen in 2007 but this one did. So I was overseas, sitting around Paris enjoying myself as you do in Paris when I find out that an old friend of mine has passed away. Shit in itself but the next two weeks I spent trying to get home early to attend a funeral and unfortunately couldnâ€™t do it. It sucked; I still feel shit about it.
Best moment of the year – Watching Ice Hockey in Toronto
Just to prove Iâ€™m not a complete pessimist I thought Iâ€™d better balance things out with the best moment of the year. Sitting in the Air Canada stadium watching the Toronto Maple Leafs and some other team (I forget) play live was just awesome! Iâ€™m not really good at talking about stuff I actually enjoy or like so I donâ€™t really have much else to say other than it was like I was a kid again just having fun!
2008 Resolutions – None
Making a New Year Resolution is just a stupid idea. Anyone that hasnâ€™t figured that out by now is either five years old or has the brain of a five year old. If you want to do something or make a change in your life do it right then and now, donâ€™t wait for some special date because it will never last my dear kiddies.
A special thanks to all the people that have contributed to this year sucking so much; you know who you are. I couldn’t have been so bitter and dry without your help and without your shit I’d have nothing to write about. True I might be to blame for a lot of it myself but in true Raj fashion I’ll blame others. hehe.
In all seriousness though, I hope everyone has a great year in 2008. Thank you for reading my ramblings throughout 2007, perhaps if I find a girlfriend any time soon you wont be subjected to them anymore! Hehe. Au Revoir.